Today 25thmarch 2011.
Lots of things are running in my mind. Don’t know where to start from, life is taking weird turns. Confused, frustrated, irritated, hyper, trying to smile at every point but by the end of the day ends up crying like a stupid fool. I may not be only the one who is facing this problem, there are many people like me who might have such problems may be more than me. It’s like am trying so hard every day to stop myself, to correct myself but it’s just not happening. I am not blaming anybody for this but myself because these unnecessary feelings are just creeping up day by day. Have lot of things to mention here but don’t know where to start with. I need my comfort zone my space back. The thing I feared the most always comes back to me, loneliness. Surrounded by thousands of people but no one around.
I just think sometimes that why did I even try, why was I not able to keep the feelings up to me and went and told you. It’s more painful now than earlier and it’s increasing every day. Earlier I had a positive feeling of never loosing you but now I feel as if I have already lost. It might not be true, may be am thinking a lot but as I am feeling it I had to vent it out. Why do I have so many expectations still when you have already made things very clear from your side. Why do I always keep waiting for you when I know that there is no certainty. You taught me the meaning of love, and when its time to implement I fell for you. Its not my mistake, trust me I didn’t do it intentionally it just happened. I have no choice left now than to love you more and more each day. A single day when I don’t talk to you kills me, you might just think its an addiction but I think now the addiction is taking a shape of love. I am not forcing you to love me the way I do, or even a bit for that matter. I just have a humble request to make that you always try to behave the same with me though whatever happens I just wish that nothing changes between us. Your just trying can also make me happy. Now for me the most important thing at this point is to see you happy and well. The smile on your lovely lips is just what I wish for. I want to share everything with you, your joy, sorrows and your love. Never thought would be writing something for you but this is my first attempt towards you to tell my feelings which was not easier in speech. Whatever you do whatever you say and moreover whatever you have felt in your past, I understand every bit of it and its not easier for you to get over so soon. But would like to tell you that see beyond the horizon life might seem beautiful. I have never thought about someone like this till date, before I conclude I would just like to ask you… “is this love?? Baby you know it better..coz you are my love”.
